Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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