i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
