its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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