A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
