I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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