There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
