Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
