I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
the day after is always just damage control
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
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For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
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how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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