how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
