In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
