Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
