we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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