why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We have so much sex to catch up on
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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