is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
