just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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