The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
