He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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