I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
