So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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