so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
How external is "for external use only"?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
