I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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