he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I don't deserve a penis
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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