If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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