Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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