My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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