life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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