You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
