got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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