based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It's blow job season.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
