He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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