I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
