This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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