I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
