I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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