Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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