He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
