She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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