I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
