you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
