Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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