careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
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