i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
