I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm gonna fight the coyote
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
