He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
