Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
