fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
