I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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