We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
