Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
