12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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