My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
