Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
