I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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