True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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