VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
