Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
