Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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