I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
