Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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