well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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