You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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