Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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