hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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