You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
