If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
