Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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