I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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