After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
