Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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