i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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