we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
