Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
