It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
