i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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