Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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