His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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