My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
