it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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