oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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