Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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