Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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