just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
