btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
