After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
