I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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